Feb. 28th, 2017

murphy5xgirl: (Default)
I just want...a friend that'll always be there and always has time to listen, even if it's just me rambling on about stupid things when I'm manic. A friend who'll see through my bullshit when I say I'm fine. A friend who gets me and even if they don't understand me, will try to. A friend who'll just listen to me when I'm full of hate, full of sorrow and someday maybe full of happiness.A friend who'll never get fed up with me and my stupid broken brain. A friend who can ride the emotional roller coaster of emotions with me. Just a friend who cares about me as much as I care about them...But I can't ask that of anyone. I won't. I don't deserve it. I don't deserve to have a friend like that.

I'm sorry to everyone who's wasted time being my friend. It's okay, you can stop pretending, you can leave me behind, I don't blame you. I would leave me behind too if I could. I'm not a good friend. I'm selfish and stupid. I hate too much and love too much. I just wanted to be a part of something special and in that, I ruined everything. I'm not a good person. I'm not a nice person. I hate myself. I hate myself so damn much that it makes me sick. I'm such a downer and a burden on everyone.

How the hell can anyone put up with me? I'm a disgusting waste of life. I will never amount to anything. I will never accomplish anything. I will always be a failure.

Why am I bothering to write this, no one is ever going to see it. And if they do, they won't care. Why should they? I'm not worth it.

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